Has anyone one else ever dreamed of that perfect person? Am I the only one who has envisioned that ideal disciple just to get enraged that I do not mirror what I see? To love like Christ consistently. To give without thought of self. The one who truly stays in their word day and night. 24/7! 365 days a year. The one who never goes without prayer, never lives a day without gratitude, doesn't know what fear looks like because it's never crossed their path. Have you ever dreamed of being the model disciple? The one who serves with such diligence. A follower who genuinely follows. One whom heals, delivers, speaks with power and walks in everything He has given them every day of their life. A disciple whom consistently represents this life with every breath they take and not a second goes by where they don't. One whom is perfect, without blame or fault or mistake. One who never takes the wrong step.
Truth is, aside from Christ, I'm not sure this person exists. I'm not sure there is one that will ever be found, on this side of heaven that is, that walks perfectly every single moment. After all, if we were a perfect people would we really have need for Him. If I gave perfectly all the time would I constantly need reminders of the law of sowing and reaping. If we really walked in our power to heal and deliver CONSTANTLY would we really have so many broken and sick people all around us?
I've finally realized that my focus and desire has been all off. I have been so focused on being something I never will be: perfect! I didn't want to make any mistakes, I didn't want to ever have a "off day"! But how realistic is that? What makes it worst is I was so unbelievably hard on myself that at the first sight of not being that perfect image I had in my head I would retreat. I would shut down and my mind would do wonders on my emotions and I would be left with the mess to clean up. Feeling like the biggest failure all because I wasn't everything, to everyone all while staying at His feet all day.
I have been the type that becomes broken at the slightest site of being imperfect all because my understanding was off. Let me clear this up for you, YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!!! You will never have every day where you do everything right. But what I had to do was drill Ephesians 2:8-9 into my head. It says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." In other words , you can't do enough stuff right to gain or "deserve" what we received through Christ. However, we also can't do enough wrong that He can't right what we've done.
What I've learned lately, and it's taken time to grasp, is that He loves me not because of me but because of Him. He loves me because He chose to. Now it's on me to choose to live a life pleasing to Him. A life of balance. A life of consistency. Does this mean I won't have off days, of course not. But I realize it is my choice. And every day, it will always be my choice. My choice to pray because I know what it does. My choice to be a student of the word because I know life's answers are in that book. It is my choice to love because He loved me. It is my choice to give because I understand His system. Everything is a choice, I hope we will choose what's right because we understand not because we want to be perfect. So I vow to be committed to consistent living. I want to resemble Christ every chance I get.
Until Tomorrow,
Kaitlyn
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