Whoa Whoa Whoa!!!!! Hold up! You sure you sent this to the right person? Those are just a few things that were going through my head but instead I replied with "Sure thing"! Truth is I struggle with giving more than people would ever know! In fact it is such a struggle with me that my relationships, in past times, have been greatly affected by it! The only thing that made me feel good about the message I received was the fact that they couldn't tell giving was a struggle for me. Which on the flip side was bad because they are a really good friend of mine! Guess they'll know after reading this blog! LOL! I have no idea where to start so I guess I will just tell my story and pray that it helps.
When I think of giving I think of being a blessing to someone else. Regardless of relationship to you, regardless if you like them or don't really care for them, regardless of their financial position! Giving to me is seeing a need and fulfilling it! Now what most people don't know or, in my case, choose to ignore is giving is also directly related to obedience! When not in tune with the Holy Spirit you run the risk of stepping out of your lane! Which will open up a door for you to boast about what you were able to do or did! Giving should never be about you or your abilities! It should always fall back on God and Him seeing a need in someones life! God sends givers to do His work! If God didn't tell you to move, pray first!
Growing up everything I ever wanted was dependent upon what I was willing to do in order to receive it! If I wanted love, I had to fight for it! I had to do everything you wanted me to do! As a kid, even now, if I want a gift or I wanted to go with my mother somewhere I had to clean the bathrooms or the house or cook dinner or run errands! Everything I wanted was linked to how much I was willing to give! What I was willing to do! It could be something as small as everyone is going out to eat and I am the only one without money so if I want to go I had to do something! Growing up in that environment really distorts ones view on giving! Not just giving but giving from a pure place!
I am 24 years old and up until a couple years ago I really believed I was great in the area of giving. I thought I was the example of a selfless giver. So if I would've got this message years ago I would've saw no flaw in my giving and wrote from a delusional place! If you don't remember anything else I say please remember this, "Giving is more about the heart than about what your giving"! If your heart ain't right your gift don't matter! After examining my heart I realized I am not the giver I thought I was. Not only was my view on giving distorted I also struggled with abandonment. When growing up I realized giving always made people happy so thats what I began to do! In my mind if I could just give enough of my time and money to someone maybe they would stay! I directly linked giving to people not abandoning me! I would give everything I had. I placed others 'wants' before my 'needs'! I would buy someone a present before I would even feed myself. I would give of my time and do people 'favors' and put what I had to do on hold. I would call off work to help people who could care less about me. All in hopes that they would stay in my life. In theory, I perverted giving!
After countless people walked out of my life, despite my best efforts to make them stay I realized I had it all wrong! I didn't do what I did intentionally! In fact, most of the time I didn't even realize thats what I did. It took some soul searching and heart examination before I realized my giving was not pure, it was selfish. It was out of hopes that I could buy love, friendship, etc. It was out of hopes that if I do everything for you, you couldn't possibly abandon me! That is false!!!!! Completely in accurate thinking because people are going to do what they want and your giving will NEVER prevent that. And after being left with little to no real relationships, a maxed out credit card, $2,000 in back rent and unemployed since February I have realized I still have a lot to learn!
Unfortunately, I can not tell you how to be a helper from a pure heart and not just out of neediness or getting something back. I can not tell you how to be a cheerful giver even when you don't have much. I have a grace to give, it was something I was born with. I love to help and I love to give. It's who I am! Yet I still struggle with it! I still have to fight to walk in it! I can tell you what not to do! Don't give out of obligation. Don't give when you expect a return! Most times the person/people you give to will NEVER return the favor. Then again, you will also have people who bless you and you never return it to them. That's just not how it works. Don't EVER give if you don't feel led!!! 9 times out of 10 thats your selfishness stepping up trying to pervert giving. When your suppose to give, you'll know it! I like to keep in mind Colossians 3:23 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Keeping things in perspective will help to keep your giving cheerful.
Although I can't tell you how to give or how to be better at it or how to be selfless, I can tell you how giving makes me feel! I can share with you why I go to such lengths to give. I love the look in someones eyes when you bless them. I love the emotion I can fell coming from them when you just surprised them with something they didn't see coming. I love how they fall more in love with God when you give them EXACTLY what only He knew they needed. I love knowing that I heard God clearly. I love knowing that they are okay for another day, week, month, etc. I love doing what God graced me to do. He graced me to be a giver and a helper. He graced me to be able to carry the loads others can't. He graced me to love His people like He does. He graced me to give like I have it all. It's not me! It will never be because of my greatness or my ability. In all honesty I am not that great but He is! If you really want to know how to give, ask God to help you!
With Love,
Kaitlyn
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ― Charles Dickens
“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ― Winston Churchill
“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa
Acts 20:35 "And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Absolutely love this! Well written! I have been struggling in this area and your honesty has shed new light on actually being a giver from a pure place and how NOT to give! Thank you Kaitlyn!!
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