Withholding Nothing

While contemplating what I would write for today, a friend of mine and myself had a conversation. Among the various topics, we somehow landed upon the "mysterious" question: what does a surrendered life look like? And in the moment I thought to myself, well it looks like surrender but when you find something more please let me know because that has been the cry of my heart for years.

A surrendered life? Hmmmm...Something that seemed afar off, unattainable in a sense. Almost as if a fairy tale waiting for me to dream again. A surrendered life was like a unobtainable goal that attacks my dreams as I grasp for something that seems to always be just out of arms reach. I wish I could say I was more hopeful. I wish I could tell her I had more answers. Like there was a magic formula and I had just the right ingredients, however that wasn't the case. I just listened, in understanding silence, I listened. With "I understand" being the only response I could muster up I felt helpless! Not that she was actually looking for answers from me per say, I just would've felt better had I had 1 or 2 solutions to the longing in her heart.

Just as I begin to "lose hope" I heard two things: relationships and withholding nothing! As I began to search out for deeper and more Holy Spirit began to speak and revel more than I've ever had and for once, I finally understood. After years and years of longings, I finally understand what a "fully surrendered life looks like"! So you can understand just as I did, let's do a little exercise. Think of the one person you trust the most on this earth. The one you trust with your life. The one person you can tell anything to. The one whom has your back, front and sides all at once. The one you can call at any moment and they are there no questions asked. Okay, I think you get it. Now for understanding purposes, let's just say that relationship is mutual. LOL! Now in your head what does that relationship look like? What does that love look like? What does the communication look like?

The question then is, after evaluating all of that, why is it that our relationship with God looks like that of a passerby compared to the ones we are in relationship with on earth? How can we give all to man, yet wonder why we still have voids? How can we claim to love man without reserve yet keep God at arms length?

The word surrender  means to give oneself up; as into power of another; submit or yield. Synonyms listed were abandonment, giving away, relinquishment, white flag, submission and yielding! We as woman, for the most part, seem to have no problem submitting to a man. We will bend over backwards, sideways, over the front and over again just for him to choose us. Just so he wants us and we "keep him coming back" we will do everything under the sun and then some. Yet when it comes to The lover Of Our Souls, we half step. We block Him out and make Him pay for the mistakes of man while we still bend over backwards for man. It's pure foolery on a whole different level.

So, back to the original question...what does a surrendered life really look like? It looks like withholding nothing. It looks like a life with all guards let down. It looks like hands raised when you want to curl up in a ball and hide. It looks like "yes" when you have no idea what your yes is leading you to. It looks like love. It looks like trust. It looks like walking in the fruits of the spirit consistently. It looks like looking in the mirror and seeing Christ! I looks like death, and at times it looks like pain and suffering! Full surrender is a daily choice. A choice, in which, at times may feel like absolutely nothing at all. It is a choice that is so hard to explain. But nevertheless, it is a choice that says not my will buy yours Lord. At all times, in the light and behind closed doors. Surrendered looks like something and believe it or not it feels like something. It is undeniable and you will know when you have reached it. My prayer for everyone in 2015 is that we experience a truly surrendered life. I believe whole heartedly that it is the greatest life to live. So let's vow to live a life without reserve towards the One who came after us withholding nothing! Let's vow to hold nothing back.

Until Tomorrow,

Kaitlyn