Death To Offense

To be as transparent as I can, I really didn't even want to write this blog today. I'd rather just sit alone, left to myself and be mad! But, really what good does that do? How does it help or benefit me to sit around pouting? In all honesty it doesn't. It just keeps me bound and allows the enemy to win.

Last night I got some rather "unexpecting" news. And as a flood of emotions overtook me, the one I couldn't seem to shake was hurt! Although a different situation, familiarity began to sink in. And although I didn't like it, changing it was completely out of my control. As it is with most situations, the only thing I had control over was myself. I couldn't  control the situation, but I could control my emotions. I could control how I reacted! So why is it so hard? Why is hurt still present? Why are my emotions still all over the place?

It's crazy how when you really seek out God, He shows up. I prayed last night. I let everything go. But I woke up hurting again. As I sat hurting, as I withheld the tears and fought off the thoughts. As i sat wanting to retreat, wanting to shut down, wanting to stop trying...just then "something" rose up in me. And all I heard was myself, saying every affirmation I proclaimed over this year. And then one question, cut me so deep "So you want this year to be different?"

Change doesn't just happen to you. January 1st doesn't bring a new you just because the date changed. At that very moment I realized it was on me. It was and always is on me. Every day I have a choice. A choice who I will be. A choice who I will represent. A choice if I will be a thermostat or a thermometer. Will I set the temperature or react to it? Will I make my life align with the word of God or will I align my life with everything that happens to me?

We all have those same choices every day. Was I hurt, absolutely! Was it the end of the world, of course not. Offense is a relationship killer. The enemy would want nothing more than for me to stay on the offense. To stay a person in which something  is always happening to me. To stay in a place where I confess "this always happens to me"! Always is an eternal word. Often times, familiarity causes us to confess things we don't mean. Then we get surprised when things repeat themselves.

Today I realized I have two choices and each has its rewards or consequences. I can stay mad, in offense and stay bound. I can stay the same. I can choose to not grow up. All for the sake of "I'm hurt". Or I can grow up. I can choose to let go. I can choose to fight. I can choose truth. The truth is I'm not who I use to be. I don't have to live a life bound by emotional living. I don't have to shut down. I can choose not to withdrawal. In that choice alone, I win. In that choice I change. In that choice I grow.

So with this year, I choose freedom. I choose to run for my life away from offense. I choose truth. So yes, I do want this year to be different. And yes, I will make this year different. Why? Because I hold the power in my hands and in my words and in my choices. The question is, what will your year look like?

Until Tomorrow,

Kaitlyn