Selfish Ways

"What will you do for me if I do…?"

"What have you done for me lately?"

Selfish-devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's 

own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 

Synonyms: greedy, self-centered, egocentric, egoistical, mean, self-indulgent,

self-interested, self-seeking, stingy, ungenerous, wrapped up in oneself

How many people would actually admit to being selfish? I mean who really wants to acknowledge that they are a greedy, self-centered, mean, self-indulgent, self-seeking, stingy person. I know I don't. But to say I haven't been would be a lie. This may come as a shock to many because those that know me, know me to be a very giving person. But did you know that to give with the wrong motives is worse than not giving at all. 

"But the LORD said to Samuel, Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected 

him. The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward

appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."-1 Samuel 16:7

 People see what we do but God sees why we did it! He sees beyond the act and looks at the motives behind it. If you follow my blogs regularly you would know I have struggled with people pleasing. Although it cut deep this is the truth the Holy Spirit revealed to me...

"You may give, you may serve, you may put yourself last, but you do it all for your gain.

You are a selfish giver. One who gives to "prove yourself worthy". But those that love you

don't need you to prove anything. Until you learn to do only as I guide you, you will always

give out of a "I owe you place". You don't owe anyone anything, you can't buy their love, time

etc. You have tried time and time again to "make people stay", but it doesn't work like that. Don't 

serve to show yourself better than others. Or put yourself last because you feel that is where you deserve to be. I need you to give out of a pure heart, only when I instruct you to. I need you to serve 

because its how I designed you. I need you to put yourself last so that when you are risen up all know that it was Me that did it."

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!!! It hurts when the Holy Spirit puts a "mirror" in front of you and shows you who you really are. The person you have become that is so far off from Him and His design for your life. I have never intentionally or consciously tried to buy someones relationship. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself that doing things for people, constantly giving them money or buying them things would show my appreciation for them being in my life. I truly do appreciate those that are in my life and I just desire that they really know that. Truth is, they already know! I don't have to do anything extra to prove that. I never linked giving and selfishness. I never would say serving and selfishness could go together but when done because of errors in my character I guess it is possible to serve and be selfish. A dead give away to someone with selfish motives is if they walk away when pressure hits? When life hits, and its just too much do they stop giving, serving and putting others first? When life hits do you go into self-protect mode? If you withdrawal, withhold of yourself, etc. when hard times come it is safe to say there is some selfishness in you.

I would suggest you spend some time with the Holy Spirit if any of this blog hit home. Ask Him to reveal your heart to you. Ask Him to show you yourself and to expose any selfishness that is in you. This isn't an easy revelation for anyone, I know it wasn't easy for me. But revealing it to me meant He wants more of me which is such a privilege. I am privileged that God isn't ok with me being anything less than His best. For that I am grateful. 

No more selfishness!!

~Kaitlyn