Forgotten...

To be completely honest, this past week or so hasn't been the greatest. Not that anything bad has actually happened, it just…ummm…has been trying emotionally. I cried out to God a couple weeks ago asking him to place me on someones heart…I just needed a reminder of were I stood in someone's life. I just really needed to, for a lack of better words, be loved on!

I was created an encourager. It's is who God made me to be. In fact, a couple months ago my pastor started referring to me as "Kaitlyn the Encourager". In the midst of it, it felt really good to be known as the encourager. That God made me with the ability to uplift, motivate, encourage and pour into others on a different level than most. But then this past week I fell into a "what about me place". I'm going around encouraging everyone else, I am pushing everyone around me but what about when I need it. Who is there to encourage me?

I waited patiently for that encouragement…but it didn't come. Or at least it didn't come how I wanted it to. I was waiting for those closest to me to reach out, to notice I was a little off. I was waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak to them and in essence answer my prayer. That someone, anyone would reach out and "fuel my fire" for once. The part that people often ignore about gifts is if you have it that means the world needs it. Which also means they lack it. I am an encourager because most people don't encourage. Most people don't stop to see the broken around them and if they do see them they don't stop to say anything. 

God didn't answer me how I wanted but instead He answered me in a way I couldn't have imagined. I was feeling invisible. I was in a place were I felt forgotten. I felt as though I was continually reaching out to people but they didn't need me. I reached a place were I felt that I was no longer adding to their lives but instead just taking up unnecessary space. I started to feel as though I was forcing myself into these lives and in my mind I needed to back off. Once again I had allowed my fear of abandonment to put me in a place I didn't want to be. 

Yesterday my Pastor texted me asking why I didn't hug her. LOL Yes, she personally reached out to me and although I didn't tell her this, that one act spoke volumes to me. It spoke of God's great love for me. That He would use someone I didn't expect, someone I didn't think would even notice if I didn't speak for a day or two. Over the past 8 months God has been showing me His great love for me. He continues to move and act in ways that cause me to break before Him. The ways that He answers my prayers and reminds me that even if no one else notices me, He always does. Even when I feel invisible and forgotten, HE SEES ME!!! It meant so much more coming from a unexpected person, than it would have from someone in my inner circle. And yet, once again, God loved on me like only He could. He spoke to my heart, looking past what I wanted and gave me what I needed. 

In this process of discovering me that I have been in, the greatest thing I have learned is I have all I need. In that I have learned who I am. I am not forgotten. I am not unseen, ignored, or invisible. I am the apple of His eye! And for me, that is enough. If you have been feeling forgotten, invisible, ignored, etc I ask that you will take a minute and say this prayer with me and trust that God will mend whatever broken pieces you have.

Father, I am hurting. I have lost sight of my purpose on this earth. I have started to place my value and importance in the acknowledgement from others. Forgive me for needing others more than I need you. I ask that you will remove every broken place in my heart and mend every hurt that has been keeping me from you. Daddy, mend my misunderstanding and help me to see myself as you see me. I ask that you wipe out all false information and renew a right mind in me. I come against every lie that tells me I don't have value, I am not loved, I am not seen…everything that says I am not needed, I am invisible, or forgotten. I thank you that you see me, and when no one else seems to be around you are always with me. Holy Spirit I thank you that you live inside of me, never leaving me alone. I thank you daddy that I am the apple of your eye, that your love for me is greater than anything. Help me to always keep my eyes on you, In Jesus name Amen.

Let God be enough for you!!!!

~Kaitlyn