Truth is...Life is a game!!!

My Pastor teaches us that God can be found in anything...if you're looking for Him. Lately, in this thing called life I have been determined to consciously look for God. For what He thinks, how He feels, how He sees things. I just have this desperation for Him, His character and His ways. My prayer this morning was that He would show me what I was missing. That He would open my eyes, so that I could continue in life. But not just continue, that I might go forth with my head high. With faith and peace like none other. That through today He would speak a revelation that would change not my circumstances but ME! He did just that.

I love all things sports. Correction, I love playing them. LOL! You won't catch me watching them much, I get bored easily. Playing them on the other hand, I enjoy that. I am by no means good at it either. LBVS! In fact, at most of them I'm pretty bad. Hey, I'm just being honest. My 3 favorite sports to play would have to be basketball, volleyball and softball. I work with children and currently at our summer camp I am the most active teacher they have. You will constantly hear them yelling "Ms Kaitlyn come play such and such with me." Be it catch, volleyball, kick ball and their favorite a one on one game of basketball. Now let me remind you I am NOT good, I play because I enjoy it. 

Today, a 11yr old who plays extremely well challenged me to a game. Now let me clarify, HE IS GOOD!!! He's the type that will shoot a 3 in your face and make it. He will take you to the whole and make it. The game went back and forth. Something in me, although I'm not the best player kept shooting. Everytime I got the ball I shot. I didn't play around and try to out handle him...I knew I couldn't. He was quick. But what I had on him was 2 things a determination and fire deep with in me that some little kid wouldn't beat me. Even though in all honest he may have been better. I started to get tired around the 30-40 point mark. But at that point in the game he had 8-10 points on me from shooting 3's. And I couldn't end the game until I won. 

Now, over 1hr into the game the score was 68-62. I was winning. I called it, next point wins! I had the ball and shot to win the game. I was tired. I was beat. But I won. And then, God spoke. His revelation almost brought me to my knees. 

"You won't look like you are winning all the time. Sometimes it will appear as if you are being dominated. But, it's all in your determination...to just keep shooting. To just keep moving. To just keep believing. To just keep going. To just keep playing. Life is a game. And just like this game, you only have two opponents. 1. Yourself and every lie or excuse you give yourself as to why you "cant"! 2. A little pint size enemy who really can't beat you no matter how hard he tries. That "kid" gave it everything he had but still loss. Why? Because you had the upper hand, he couldn't physically

reach you. So it is with the enemy. When in position he cannot touch you. He can appear like he is doing everything under the sun but he cannot cause you to loose. Only you can do that. Life is a game. Play to win. I have designed it for you to win but it won't just be handed to you. You have to want it. And no matter how inexperienced you feel, I will see to it that you will come out the winner."

So I say to you, keep things in perspective. Your enemy is pint size. He cannot beat you unless you give up. If it looks like defeat, hold on because that is not your promised end. And remember life is a game, play the game to win.

Until next time,

Kaitlyn

"You don't love Me"

I have been saved for 10 years. For 10 years I have recognized and labeled myself as a Christian, as a disciple. I have proclaimed and bragged on His great love for me. I have prayed, I have studied, I have served, given, paid tithes and offering. I have tried to better myself, laying my life down best I knew how and even tried my best to follow His commands. Well at least the ones I knew about. 

Self-interrogation and what I call #heartchecks are some difficult processes to go through. I mean you're basically being shown how messed up you really are. It's painful. It's hard to be shown yourself especially when it's something you just knew it couldn't be true. My Pastor has asked the question "Do you love God" several times, for illustration purposes, throughout the years. Of course, everyone answers yes without thought. Without evaluation all hands go up. Thinking to ourselves what kind of question is that.

Often times we skate through life avoiding the hard questions. We avoid questioning ourselves, in turn giving this wicked heart/being the benefit of the doubt. I mean whether in a church setting or not what Christian in their right mind would say they don't love God. But I ask, what Christian in their right mind would assume just because they profess a belief and a life lived for Him that somehow that equates to love. I mean it must right? Who would attend church, who would claim the life without first loving Him?

"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you."John 14:15

In other versions it says "obey".

"Then Samuel said, Do you think all God wants are sacrifices---empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to Him! Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. Not doing what God tells you is far worse than fooling around in the occult. Getting self-important around God is far worse than making deals with your dead ancestors. Because you said No to God's command, he says No to your kingship."

And then, there it was, one day what seemed like out of no where a still small voice said "You don't love Me." I wept, I whined "but I do." Because I would never say it, He said it for me. Because I would never utter those words out of my mouth He said it. Little did I know I uttered it from my heart for years. For years I gave God the pieces of my life that I wanted Him to have. I gave Him access to parts of me while still holding onto what control I thought I had. And because I just knew there was no way He could use this wicked mess of a life for His glory I hide. I ran. I obeyed only when it was comfortable or when it wouldn't end in me making a fool of myself. I gave Him part of me. While He, He gave me all of Him. All His love, all His forgiveness, all His peace, all His character. For the first time I saw the true wickedness of my heart and I was broken. Yet and still He loved me as He comforted me.

"Daughter I have not shown you truth to break you or shame you but to get your attention. If anything were to happen I would hate to meet you at my gates and you not be allowed in. Find your place sitting at my feet and doing what I instruct."

Sometimes the word hurts. It was designed to. The word is a two edged sword designed to cut and divide the soul from  the spirit. This blog may not sit well with some and that is okay. But I ask you this, just like He asked me, "Do you really love Him?"

Until next time,
Kaitlyn Marie