I don't need you...

I have spent most of my life as the "needy one". I needed someone to love me but I didn't love me. I needed someone to approve of my life but I questioned everything. I needed to be notice but I hated when people notice anything. Like paying me a compliment was completely uncomfortable. I wanted to be valued but I didn't even value myself. I needed validation in every single thing. I needed to remain in constant communication with people daily because I despised being left to myself. If I went a single day without talking to someone, anyone, I felt alone. I know crazy right. 

I am 26 years old, imagine living much of 26 years of life completely dependent on people. I lived a life where not only was I needy, but I had to feel needed. I associated need with love. If you didn't need me, there is no way you could love me. I mean if you have no need for me in your life how can that be love?

"TRUST GOD  COMPLETELY AND MAN DISCREETLY"

I have been reading this book and I would like to share part of it with you...

"Every time we get out of balance, we open a door for the devil. I had been leaning on the ladies in this group and placing in them the trust that belongs only to God. We can go only so far in any human relationships. Always place your ultimate trust in the Lord."

When I read this chapter in Joyce Meyer's book "Battlefield of the Mind" it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was one of those "I have to repent now" truths. I read it only hours after someone I'm in relationship with told me "you don't need me". At the time, I'm not going to lie I was so confused like "what do you mean, yes I do". All I have known is neediness, so when someone says "you don't need me" it shook me to the core. And after drying my tears and getting myself out of offense Holy Spirit spoke. He called me out of that death trap called neediness.

Truth is, I don't need you. I don't need your friendship. I don't need your love. I don't need your approval. I don't need your acceptance. I don't need your gifts, time, attention, etc. I don't need you to encourage me, notice me or validate me on any level. Truth is that's God job. And anytime we place those needs on anyone other than Him, we give license for that person to take a spot in our hearts and life that is solely for Him. So, no I don't need you. And this is not at all me being cocky. God absolutely uses people to fulfill needs. But we must know that our need is for the giver not the one presenting the gift. That's like going to a kids birthday party and the child only going to the other children to thank them. You know dang gone well that child didn't buy that gift.

So, no I don't need you. We can enjoy relationships with people. God places people in our lives. Yes, encouragement is nice. Absolutely, love is needed. And all the other things we "need". Often times, it is not the need that is the problem, however who we are looking to fulfill it. The only one we will ever have need for is God. And since He isn't floating down on a cloud to personally hand us stuff, people are used. So it is easy to get tripped up and say we need them and glorify what they provide but we have to shake that. It is God alone who provides absolutely everything that we need.

LORD I NEED YOU ALONE!!!

Until next time,

Kaitlyn Marie