As I stated in the beginning my day was AMAZING...starting out! Things were going just as I prayed they would. I got the laptop, sat at the table and got ready to start on my 2nd book. I got up to look for my headphones because I like to play Pandora while writing but I didn't want to disturb the rest of the house! Headphones in hand I said to myself, "headphones, check! But where is my notebook". While searching for my notebook I found an unopened piece of mail. I open the piece of mail and what do we have, another dang gone collection notice! This time it was different than any other notice, it was threatening repossessions and searching for me! "Searching for me?" "Repossession of what?" "I don't own anything for them to take and I am not missing so a search party is not needed!" Those were just a handful of thoughts that immediately flooded my already filled head. Then I find another unopened letter and this time it was a letter from Advocate Christ Medical Center telling me they had a break in where someone stole 3 of their computers which had ALL client personal information in it! So, that is my address, my phone number and my SSN just to name a few. By this time my mood is completely changed! I am no longer joyful. I am no longer ready to take my day on! I am no longer filled with excitement! I am no longer content! I was the exact opposite. I was angry! I was worried! I was stressed! I had an immediate headache! I started trying to figure things out and try to think about what I am going to do! To add to all of that, I live in a house with people that do not know Christ! I am a DAILY example of what life with Him looks like! I am the only example they know! And of course today I was not home alone like I wished! My attitude could be felt! It filled the room like an unwanted odor! I displayed the worst example ever!
The more I was asked "what's wrong" the more I felt my eyes watering up! So I went to my only "quiet" place in the house: the bathroom! Boom! It happened! I allowed the enemy all up in my mind! And please believe he came FULL FORCE! He attacked and attacked and attacked! Telling me I am a let down! I am a failure at life! I will never amount to anything! My life will aways be a "trying to catch up" race! Let me give you a little background on my life! I dropped out of college in 2010 after only one semester because I could not afford it! I stayed in Alabama, where I went to school, in a house I could barely afford! I lived paycheck to paycheck barely making it. Sometimes only eating once a day because thats all I could afford. I slept on a air mattress because thats all I had. I rarely turned the lights on because I couldn't afford the high bill. When I showered I was forced to wash then rinse! Then water was NEVER allowed to stay on! I moved home and again lived paycheck to paycheck, that is when I had a job! Then in 2012 I became "homeless". I use that term very loosely because I was NEVER on the street! I was kicked out of my place and lived with someone I barely knew! No matter how hard she tried to make me feel at home I felt out of place. I felt unwanted! I felt like a burden! Let me be clear, this was never a result of how I was treated! I was just in a hole so deep I couldn't get out of it! So you see, from just that EXTREMELY small glimpse at my past, you now understand the attacks I underwent today! Every thought of me being nothing, could be validated from my past! And as I sat on the bathroom floor I completely broke! I had one of those childlike cries! You know those ones where they don't even make noise for seconds but then they scream! Yep, that was me! It was not even 12pm and I was already over this day!
Then the thoughts shifted from todays "situations" to my life over all. All the things that were not going right! All the things I couldn't "fix"! All the things I couldn't change or solve! I was a complete mess! And then, it clicked, you ungrateful brat! You complainer! Oh ye of little faith! When did God EVER say life would be easy? When did you become greater than Christ? Who really is the judge of 'enough is enough'? We say, "I been through enough" When will it end" "Why me" etc...but look at all Jesus went through!! WITHOUT COMPLAINT!!! So, what were you saying? Go ahead and tell me how bad your life is! I'm listening! *in my most sarcastic voice ever*
"Things" are not ever going to stop, you cant control that! But guess what, you can still cause change. You can adjust your attitude and change your perspective towards those "things"! Yes those "things" are very accurate! Yes they are really happening to you! Some people would say my complaining or doubt can be validated because of my life! Because of my circumstances I am allowed to be frustrated! Who is lying to you? Philipians 4:6 instructs us "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Matthew 6:27 asks us this question "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life"! Complaining comes from the spirit of fear! Something in you does not believe you will be alright! Something in you does not think God will do what He promised He would do! Your unbelief is your problem, not your circumstances! You are NOT what has happened to you! Every day, every situation you have a choice! You can praise or you can complain! You see I could've praised God that I have nothing they can repossess instead of being upset at their threats! I could have made the choice to praise God that I never went a day without shelter, clothes or food instead of complaining and being stuck in the fact that I was put out! I could have choose to praise God for all He has done instead of complaining that He didn't 'fix' the mess I got myself into! Why are we so quick to believe God is a genie in a bottle but we don't have faith in who He really is! Why do we throw fits like a child but cant have childlike faith like we are instructed! We got it all wrong! Jesus is our example and He endured a death He NEVER deserved yet we think we are above Him! Every time you complain about your circumstances you are saying with your actions that you are above Jesus! You are saying you don't "deserve" this! Who are you to say what you do and don't deserve? He died for you, yet when it comes to living for Him we come half heartedly and want our lives to be fixed and perfect! IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT! Your trials will be your testimony! Everything you go through is so you can relate to the next and help them get to our Savior! Stop complaining and start thanking God that He saw you fit to be able to endure what you go through without breaking! God allows you to go through it because it is designed to push you towards Him! So stop allowing it to pull you from Him!
If you are guilty of living the life of a brat I invite you to say this quick prayer and then spend some time just thanking God! It will change your life!
"Father I thank you for choosing me! I thank you for equipping me with all I need to get through every bump in the road! I come to you with a pure heart of repentance for my selfish ways! I apologize for being a brat when life happens! Please forgive me for allowing 'life' to pull me from you! I understand that life will continue to happen but I also know that you are with me every step of the way! From this day forth I will make a conscious effort to praise instead of complain! I ask for your forgiveness for every time I threw a fit, got mad or complained and I ask you to do a heart change in me! For I know that out of the heart the issues of life flow! I know that my problem is not these circumstances but my heart and unbelief! I thank you for your forgiveness and for setting me straight! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!"
I pray this blessed you, until next time!
With Love,
Kaitlyn
